Mumbo jumbo, for dummies

Have you noticed that Catholic Cardinals these days seem to be in a race to the bottom in an effort to say the most ludicrously bat-shit crazy things in order to desperately hold an ever diminishing audience?

I give you Cardinal Robert Sarah, "Prefect of the congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments". You'd think they could have come up with a snappier job title? Anyway, I don't know about you but at my old school prefects were universally hated for being hand picked by teachers, chiefly (it seemed to us) for their pedantry, sadism, unquestioning compliance to dogma and complete lack of moral integrity.

The good Cardinal claimed many things in a recent speech in Washington, USA, many of which seemed to betray an unhealthy obsession with the sex lives of other people (unresolved issues?) For example, he claimed that same-sex marriage was "demonic" as were transgender toilets, he then went on to claim that "immorality" (his definition of course) was not only tolerated in advanced societies it was "promoted" (where?, how?) and represented religious persecution. To paraphrase, the Cardinal feels that he has the exclusive right (via his invisible friend) to tell the rest of us what's "normal" and what's forbidden and if we complain then we are oppressing HIS freedom.

To cap it all he went on to talk about broken and same-sex marriage "causing damage to little children" - this is clearly the icing on the cake, I would remind the good Cardinal of another thing that harms little children by the tens of thousands, child rapists dressed up as Catholic priests!

I suppose we shouldn't expect any higher standards from this feckless organisation, it's clearly and thoroughly corrupt to the core and clinging onto power and influence as best it knows how. This kind of "demon" invoking mumbo-jumbo may go down well in the more primitive back-waters of Africa and South America (the Catholic church's only remaining growth areas) but Mr Sarah should expect (and hopefully get) roundly criticised and ridiculed in more enlightened lands.

I would love to see a law passed in every country that allows Catholic officials to make speeches only so long as they preface every one with a list of apologies to minorities they have abused and for unethical acts committed (explicitly in the name of their church), of course it could be scripted for convenience and I believe would go something like this,

Before I get to the substance of my speech let me first apologise for my organisation's involvement in the following perverted, immoral, illegal and despicable things,

- Extermination of pagans
- The crusades
- Persecution of heretics
- Reality denial and the retardation of social and cultural progress
- Burning of (supposed) witches
- Religious wars
- Slaughter of Jews
- Slaughter of indigenous peoples
- Collaboration with evil regimes (see photo above)
- Discrimination against Women
- Discrimination againt non-heterosexual people
- Ethnic cleansing
- Promoting unsafe sex in AIDS ridden countries

and last but not least...

- The institutionalised sexual abuse of children in our care

Now that's been clarified, I'd like to talk to you about how, because of an ancient (and secret) qualification in mumbo-jumbo, I am morally superior and you need to do what I say and give me your money or burn in hell forever, oh, and Jesus loves you...