Friday, July 02, 2010

The human courtship ritual..

Here's a bit of fun for Friday, think about the kinds of things that a Woman or a Man should *not* do on a first "internet" date (or any kind of date really); apparently, according to the experts here is a list of mistakes that Women make..
  • They talk about cats, self-help books and soap operas; to men, this indicates the beginnings of insanity.
  • They talk about past relationships; ex (body building) boyfriends etc., the ultimate turn-off..
  • Dress either too sluttily, or turn up disguised as Margaret Thatcher.
  • Boast about highly paid jobs and famous friends; this sets an unrealistic bar, men need to impress.
  • Get drunk and emotional. (I would add that throwing up is frowned on unless its a competition :)
  • Talk about marriage and babies precipitously; men like to feel that marriage is their idea, even if it's not.
  • They give mixed messages; if you like a man, say so, if you don’t, politely retreat.
Of course being a married person (or in a stable relationship) you can look at this and laugh (nervously) whilst secretly thinking "I'm glad it's not me!". I'd add a couple more things to this list (hypothetically of course),
  • Ordering no food and spending the whole meal nicking chips off my plate.
  • Bringing their mothers along (or psycho friends)
  • Going to the ladies every 15 minutes (what are they doing in there?)
  • Thinly disguised obsession with handbags and/or shoes (just says, high maintenance!)
  • Texting friends every 10 minutes to let them know how it's going
For men of course the issues are perhaps more obvious, the whole process being a complete mystery to most of us. Here's what the experts say Men commonly do wrong,
  • They lie on their profiles, about everything, height, interests, job, age, marital status, children...
  • If you’re overweight and 50 don’t expect a warm response form a 23-year-old
  • They are too pushy, interrupting, not listening, taking over and generally being obnoxious
  • They use (unfunny) sexual innuendo: e.g. to girl who likes fishing: “Will you hold my rod?” etc.
  • They don’t always bother with innuendo, they confuse dating with getting laid.
  • They are shy. A bit shy is cute, too shy is weird
I'd add a couple more, not from personal experience you understand but some things a good friend told me he did once..
  • Pretend to know stuff that you don't (they can smell fear!)
  • They don't ask any questions, just rabbit on about themselves
  • Complain about the cost of the dish she chooses, apparently that's bad form?
  • Drink too much or get into a fight, apparently this is frowned on?
I'm sure everyone has a stack of these...


Chairman Bill said...

When I was internet dating, I met a Chinese lass who told me she was dating three men and going to choose the father of her children from them (I was one of them).

Despite her honesty, I thought I'm beat a hasty retreat.

Steve Borthwick said...

CB, I guess you have to admire her honesty (start the car...)

G said...


You might like this comment on things to do wrong in a date, from @rosamundi, a very entertaining member of the Twitterati!


Steve Borthwick said...

G - Thanks for the link, you're right its entertaining stuff - I must admit, I wanted to read more gory details though!