Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Fringe jokes

After the last two depressing posts here is something that made me chuckle, apparently someone has voted the following list of gags the top 10 jokes from the Edinburgh fringe festival, I find it hard to believe better jokes than these can't be found at such a huge comedy event (top 10 puns might be more accurate) anyway, some are quite amusing.

1) Tim Vine: "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

2) David Gibson: "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."

3) Emo Philips: "I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them."

4) Jack Whitehall: "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."

5) Gary Delaney: "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."

6) John Bishop: "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."

7) Bo Burnham: "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."

8) Gary Delaney: "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."

9) Robert White: "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: Empty."

10) Gareth Richards: "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"

What is even funnier is that someone has provided helpful explanations for Americans*, here...

*Actually it doesn't say the explanations are for Americans specifically, I added that part for a cheap laugh... :)


Anonymous said...

They're all great. Except I still don't get No.10, even after reading the explanation for Americans. (The "wooden spoon", OK, that means you're the worst at something. "Awarded the wooden spoon", as they say). What has that got to do with writing a number on one, and walking into a bar? I need the explanation for complete dummies, I think!

Steve Borthwick said...

Anon, in some Pubs that also serve food, a wooden spoon with a number on it is an indicator of which table number you're on (you use it as kind of a ticket that gets you the right food order). The implication of the joke is that you fake this by presenting your own numbered spoon, thereby stealing the food intended for that table...