So, here's a couple of topical jokes that you can use down the pub tonight, or while killing time when out this weekend scaring young children in your new evil-clown outfit...
1. My wife asked me to start treating her more like the Women she's seen in classic black and white movies... so I left her tied to the train tracks..
2. I'm confused, is Pete Burns, Dead or Alive?
3. Congratulations to West Ham, the only football club named after the two things ISIS hates.
Disclaimer; these aren't my own inventions, just the ones I've heard this week (and smirked at)